Two Hormones That Will Either Make or Break your Relationship

Estrogen and testosterone are considered big players in the relationship spectrum.

Too much or too little of these important hormones can go beyond physical concerns and literally wreak havoc in a partnership. Oxytocin, serotonin, and even insulin can play a part, as well, but the big E and T are where it’s at.

For women, estrogen is responsible for reproductive development, menstrual regulation, and bone formation. A shift in estrogen production can lead to fatigue, mood swings, depression, painful intercourse, and other factors that are sure to create rifts in a relationship. Estrogen-dominant women, in particular, may experience intense physical issues, such as dramatic weight gain and swollen, tender fibrocystic breasts.

Testosterone in men regulates sex drive, muscle mass, and certain masculine-based behaviors. When these levels drop, men are likely to experience a decrease in libido, attractiveness, and confidence. If testosterone levels are through the roof, however, close relationships may fail due to an increase in aggression, as well as an urge to “spread the seed” and stray from monogamous partnerships. The latter is the main reason women bash testosterone, yet the hormone itself isn’t as scary as outdated studies have led us to believe. For a man, a healthy level of testosterone plays a large part in livelihood; helping men be more loving and energetic, and less prone to mood swings.

So, how do we find that sweet spot? Balancing not only the hormones but also the very divine archetypes and expressions of each gender?

What You Can Do for Your Man:

– Support His Purpose

A man is likely to enjoy a boost in testosterone every time he suits up and makes a living to support his family. Doing and acting are inherently male traits; when your man feels that he’s not bringing home the bacon, so to speak, he may fall into depression or feelings of worthlessness. Helping him feel appreciated and needed is a sure-fire way to lower his stress and keep the line of communication open and honest. Sometimes the best way to find your purpose is to support him in finding his purpose.  Pursuing your passions together will boost your feel-good hormones.

– Don’t Panic

You know how it goes – you’re in the middle of a discussion, and you see the telltale signs of the proverbial “wall” going up; his eyes harden, his jaw clenches, his face suddenly becomes nearly devoid of emotion. Uh oh, right? It’s a choose-your-own-adventure time. How will you handle this one?

Why not try compassion rather than hysterics? Instead of 1) Taking the blame (“What did I do?”), or 2) Putting up your own wall (“Well, if he’s shutting down, so will I.”), opt for 3) Acknowledging his feelings without pushing (“I understand that this is upsetting you”). When men feel questioned into a corner, they’re likely to lash out in defense. By simply being present with his thoughts and emotions, you can lower his heightened testosterone levels. A good rule of thumb is to be proactive rather than reactive.

– Let Him Process

Whether he turns to sports, exercise, or lawn mowing, let your man process things in his own way. Biologically, a heated conversation or situation can put him into “fight or flight” mode; channeling this excess energy into something productive can help balance testosterone levels by giving him an objective to work with. There is a lot of correlation between exercise and hormones.  Let him mull over his feelings while he whacks the weeds – in the end, he’ll feel great and the yard will look spectacular.

What Your Man Can Do For You:

– Help You Talk it Out

While men tend to close down during an argument, women like to express their thoughts and emotions. After all, there’s so much to feel, so much to think, so much to talk about! A man that will let you air your grievances without judgment, ridicule, or anger is a wise man indeed. Talking it out can relax the hormones, leading to a soft landing rather than a crash-and-burn.

– Slay the Dragons

We know – you’re a powerful woman who can do anything she sets her mind to, whether that’s building an empire or opening a restaurant door! We’ve come a long way, and are going even further in our quest for equality. However, feeling taken care of and protected helps balance the hormones and, of course, allows for some good old-fashioned chivalry appreciation. Remember – hormone influence or no, the very act of gratitude goes a long way in a relationship.

– Respect the Cycles

Managing menstruation cycles can be like playing emotional ping-pong. If your man has been around you long enough, he’ll start to notice, anticipate, and even plan around these cycles. He’ll understand that your estrogen will rise during the first week of menstruation, he’ll look forward to the lusty, touchy days before ovulation, and he’ll mind his Ps and Qs when your estrogen levels drop and you inevitably turn into a crampy, irritated shadow of your sweet self. It’s all about acknowledgment and support, and a balanced guy will lovingly give you both (and think nothing of dashing to the store for emergency tampons).

Notice a pattern here? There is some crossover between the needs of the two “relationship hormones.” When your man feels valued and supported, he is more likely to, in turn, provide you with what you need to feel loved, protected, and heard. It’s a win-win; a hormonal high-five. It’s inevitable that relationships go through ups and downs, and sometimes we’re just about ready to get off the ride for good. However, once you start to roll with the tides, to anticipate the next dip, grabbing your partner’s hand and squealing in delight of the surprises that are ahead…that’s when the true healing begins.

In essence, it’s all about achieving a high frequency relationship. Meaning, we have to understand our physical bodies and hormonal systems in order to enjoy a high level of interrelatedness. And let’s not forget the oxytocin love hormone, which is a beautiful way to deepen a strong connection.  Understanding our hormones is so important and when you couple that with knowing thyself it is a powerful combination.  It’s true – the deeper you go in your quest for self-discovery, the further you will get in your pursuit of a healthy, balanced relationship. High-frequency partnerships involve good vibes, enhanced energy, and, quite simply, a great connection between two people. Understanding the biological, emotional, and spiritual aspects that lie beneath the surface is both empowering and awe-inspiring.


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