Life can feel like a series of trials and errors; we can feel like others have it together more than we do. It is in our nature to log the ways we fall down with harshness.
While this was an amazing year for me – I finished my book and took my business completely online (yes, I used to have an office in Southern California where I saw people in person) changed my name, and so much more – I also fell down.
I thought I would take the end of the year to share the ways I fell down this year, and how I got back up. I’ve found that the more great things you accomplish in a year, chances are, the more you fall down in big and small ways. Of course, most people don’t see or share those. Then we tend to think others don’t experience the same things. I thought I would share some of the biggest lessons I learned this year by falling down, and exactly how I got back up and kept putting one foot in front of the other.
A Broken Bone
At the very end of 2017, I literally fell down and broke my toe. I spent the beginning of the year on the couch and trying to walk as little as possible. After surrendering to spending the better part of two weeks on the couch, I got back up and hobbled around for four weeks after that. I surrendered to staying put, gave myself the chance to heal, and dove into a new project. Because, I didn’t have much else to do but sit, so I figured I may as well create something new. Chances are my new project may have never happened had I not broke my toe. During that time of sitting and thinking, I decided to change my name professionally. You can hear all about my name change.
The Audio Book Fiasco
Reading an entire book out loud in one sitting is a real talent, come to find out. I, of course, going into it, had not yet learned to respect the art. I figured I would record the book over a few sessions, put it all together, and call it a day. Once the recording was done I sent it to my editor, but there was a horrible humming sound in the background throughout almost the entire book. I discovered this AFTER the editing. Ugghhh! These are the moments you want to just scream because the frustration has to go somewhere. I realized there was no quick fix to this. I scrapped the whole project and hours of my time and started over.
The final product turned out to be incredible. I realized as I was working on the final version that I had polished my skills somewhere in the midst of the debacle, found reverence for the art of recording an audiobook, and it all played to my benefit. Most of all, I feel proud of what I put out into the world, and that feels amazing. It doesn’t matter how many times you step up to the plate, keep swinging until you make the connection.
Stayed longer than I should have
After many years of feeling at odds with one of my family members, and being repeatedly hurt in a myriad of ways, I decided to release the relationship. It was a choice that was not easy to make, nor did I expect that I would ever make it. As you begin to change your energy, it can trigger a level of fear and controlling behaviors in others that are quite hard to handle.
I tried over and over again to communicate powerfully to reassure, to connect, and to be heard. Instead of things getting better they kept unraveling. I allowed this to go on for way longer than I would ever recommend. It is easy to keep making excuses for the terrible behavior of others, especially if they are family members. Obviously, you want to try and keep the peace.
There was one final event that had me realize that sometimes the frequency gap is too great to find common ground. Releasing a relationship with love is the most powerful decision you can make for all involved. We can’t sacrifice our truth or what is healthy for our lives endlessly. Sometimes you have to release relationships with the hope that someday paths will cross again with new energy and connection that is more loving, respectful, and joyful.
In The Grips of Fear
When my book was about to be released I went through a few weeks of being in gripping fear. When you are going to share deeply personal parts of your life with others who you don’t know and may never meet, it has a way of making every fear you have ever had fly up in your face.
Even if you are not an author, you will encounter this when you are about to step outside of your box in any area of life. It is literally like going through a rebirthing experience. In any birthing experiences there are stages, emotions, pushing, surrendering, waiting, releasing, feeling unsure, hoping, and everything in between.
We are all in the process of birthing a new consciousness, and the more tools and support (think doula type of support) we get, the easier we can move through the tunnel of transformation. If you are in fear, even paralyzed by fear, you are not alone. You are birthing something new so breathe, and know that you can do this.
You Can’t Stop a Believer
The overarching thing that got me back up after falling down was believing with everything that I am. These are certainly not the only things I went through this year, but these felt big. I realized that by believing that I could get up after falling down, I was already partway up. I only needed to believe that I was on my way up to start up the path. You can’t stop a believer! Before I break into the Journey song (ala 1981) Don’t Stop Believin’ – I have to say that the only way through the tunnel of transformation is to believe.
Without believing in life, ourselves, growth, healing, and the ability to get up, none of it happens. Plain and simple, you can’t keep a believer down for long. It’s time to get up, dust yourself off, and step into the light. 2018 taught us that. It is not how you fall but how you get up. When life knocks you down get back up!